so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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