You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
