dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
