So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
