the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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