I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
