how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
