how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
