I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
