Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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