Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
