did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
