Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
