I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
