I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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