when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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