I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
