You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
FUCK WHALES
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