Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
