My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
