I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
