Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
