Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
