please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
