just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
