Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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