I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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