Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
