So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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