While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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