and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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