I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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