we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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