For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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