So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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