I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
