Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
