woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
