I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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