I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
