I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
