Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
