This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
