I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
