Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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