I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
