I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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