awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Randomize
