Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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