Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
