Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
