whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
