oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
