I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
