yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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