So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
