Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
