having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
