Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
