Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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