He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize