She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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