Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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