im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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