look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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