batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
