you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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