last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
