I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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