Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Boobs are out for the taking
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
