Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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