i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
