I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
