He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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