I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize