my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
